A few years ago one of my friends and I came up with our three cardinal rules of kitchen safety:
1. Do not fry bacon with your shirt off, even if you have a job interview and you only have one clean shirt left. Eat a peanut butter sandwich instead.
2. When straining chicken broth, do not pour boiling broth on the hand that is holding the sieve.
3. Even if you're in Alaska, and fresh fruit costs the earth, even at Costco -- do not eat the apricots that are beginning to turn black. Projectile vomiting will ensue.
I'm thinking that it might be time for another safety rule.
Do Not Deep Fry Gnocchi.